This tune is about two-percent true. The earlier version
had "Drinking in the Abbey on a dark, rainy night....." That's
the Abbey Tavern on 5th and Geary in San Franciso where The Electric Shamrock
would hold forth every Friday night.
I frequently had to be extremely cautious riding home from
that fine establishment.
Like the song says, this is a cautionary tale.
Don't try this at home kids.
Ridin' My Bike Home Drunk - Lyrics
© Joe Muldoon
Honky tonk biker on a Saturday night, layin’ flat on my back from
my seventeenth fight
When I looked at the clock it was just around quarter to two.
So I pulled myself up from under the table, rolled up a joint in a Budweiser
Smoked that number and I had me my thirty-fifth brew.
Then I bouced off the walls, tripped out the door, fell on my face as
it started to pour
Pulled on my pants put my helmet up side my head (I’m cautious guy)
Everybody there tried to give me a ride, women screamed and grown men
If you’re gonna ride that bike home son you’ll be dead.
But I put my bike into third or fourth gear, popped the clutch I didn’ know
And everybody watching me thought that I was sunk
But I didn’t mind I was doin’ fine, the wheels spinnin’ and
the engine whinin’
I was laughin and singin’ and ridin’ my bike home drunk.
There were pretty lights all red and green, big old trucks to duck in
Ditches to jump, the occasional police car to lose.
It was thunder and lightenin’ and raining like hell, I decided that
things were going so well
I’d relax and start another sixer of booze
Then the hum of the engine and the sound of the rain and that flash flood
of liquor pounding in my brain
Made drowsy and I closed my eyes for a rest,
I figured old bike would guide us along, but I woke up to find out I was
wrong, on and east-bound section of the freeway, headin’ west
It was a tunnel of lights and a chorus of horns, I was wishin’ at
the time I’d never been born
Then I spun around hard and bounced off of somebody’s trunk.
Hundred ton semi came roarin by, kicked me clean hard up to the sky,
I was bobbin and weavin’ and flyin my bike home drunk
Well I flew up a thousand feet or so, got me recorded as a UFO,
But I landed down about a mile from town unhurt.
But all the time I was in the air, I touched off a paranoid militry fear.
But the country on emergency evacuation Red Alert.
I wheeled my bike through the center of town, sirens goin off all arouind
But I figured was the dope and the liquour singig in my head
The racked kept going on all night long, so I figured I’d better
find what went wrong,
Rubbed out my eyes put my glasses on and jumped out of bed.
I looked out the window for what I might see and I noticed I started World
And decided that the scene wasn’t nothin’ but a whole bunch
With the crazy folks we got in this world, and all the hate I see being
You know, a man could get killed just ridin’ his bike home drunk.